Not New Years Dreams
by X to the Zoltan
Summary: Complete. A series of bizarre dreams and what came of them. Humor, angst, general freakiness and a hint of shoujo-ai! Now with a slightly updated Epilogue! Please R&R.
1. Non New Years Dreams

(Author's note: horizontal rule defines the beginning and end of dream sequences.)

* * *

Chiyo found herself in shadow. It was a cavernous room, filled with a dim, diffuse light and a cool wind blowing from... somewhere. She wore a light tan jacket and trousers with a variety of objects hanging from her belt. A canteen, a flash light, some kind of a pocket knife and what appeared to be the hilt of a katana.

She took this last out and looked at it curiously. There were a few small buttons along the bottom of the crossguard, including one with the universal "on" symbol on it... you know, that little circle with the line going into it. Showing an unusual lack of restraint, she flicked it with her thumb.

"Yipe!"

A blade of crackling yellow-green energy streaked out, curving slightly as it took form. A beam katana! Of all the ridiculous-- But why would she be carrying something like that?

"So you have come!" a deep, mysterious voice said. She turned to face it, then turned again. Where had it come from? The light from her weapon didn't do anything to help matters. The only effect it had was to make her shadow leap and jitter nauseatingly across the floor.

"Who's there?" she cried.

There was no answer. But as she stood there, slowly getting more and more scared, she noticed a red light washing over her from behind. At the very last possible instant, she whirled where she stood and raised her katana on high, intercepting a similar weapon streaking down towards her head.

The impact buzzed through her limbs as the beams crashed together and the strength of that blow knocked her sprawling. Chiyo collected herself almost instantly, landing on her feet and hand a few yards away, the crackling green blade before her.

An indistinct, black cloaked form advanced on her, raising its luridly glowing blade to strike again. She only caught a brief glimpse of what might have been horns or ears jutting out above its head before the flash of blades colliding blinded her. This time, her foe didn't let up, swinging again and again, driving her across the floor of this huge, dark chamber.

Finally, her heels brushed over the edge of some kind of chasm and she halted, defending with all of her might. Which, as it turned out, was not nearly enough. The red blade scythed in horizontally and knocked her weapon spinning away, and a gloved... fist? It almost seemed like a flipper or tentacle... pounded her to her knees.

"Chiyo-chan" the stranger said, lowering his blade, "Come with me. You must come to the Dark Side."

Now, she had no idea what he was talking about, but it sure didn't sound good. A quick glance showed that her beam katana had fallen about six feet away. Maybe, if she could surprise him...

"NEVER!" she shrieked, diving for the weapon. As searing pain shot through her shoulder, she realized that she had made a terrible mistake. Chiyo instantly stopped dead, clutching at her side where her arm _should _have been.

"Foolish girl," her opponent admonished. "You don't have any idea what this is about. What would your father think?"

"M-my father?" she asked. "What does he have to do with this?"

"Everything, Chiyo-chan! For you see, you have been lied to!" the monstrous thing boomed. "I AM YOUR FATHER!!"

He stepped into the light of her beam sword and she almost screamed. It was an enormous, orange plush cat like the one Osaka had gotten her for her 11th birthday! Its sinister eyes filled with glee at her reaction, reflecting the light of his sanguine blade.

Chiyo stood slowly, not knowing what to do but knowing that she had to do something. This was the end.

"Chiyo, you must come to the Dark Side. You will join us or die."

She regarded him, suddenly calm. There really was only one thing she could do. She raised one foot as if to step towards him... then moved it back into the chasm behind her. A frigid wind blasted up around her as she fell into blackness.

* * *

"...and then I woke up," Chiyo said the next night.

Her friends, Tomo, Osaka and Sakaki-san sat around the massive kotatsu she had set up for this get together. Tomo and Osaka were enraptured, but Sakaki-san seemed to be drifting in and out. The big girl leaned back on the wall with her hands behind her head, eyes half-lidded.

"Wow!" Tomo grinned. "That's really freaky, Chiyo-suke. You got your arm chopped off and everything!"

Osaka poked at her arm experimentally, seeming almost disappointed when it proved solid. "I always knew you had it in ya to be a fighter... too bad he kicked your butt, though."

"But I wonder what it means?"

Tomo glanced at the door. "Maybe your dad's waiting out there right now with a knife to slice your arm off when you fall asleep?"

Osaka smiled slightly. "That would be interesting."

"He wouldn't do that!" the 11-year-old sat up straighter and shot Tomo a poisonous look. "Don't even say that!"

"Hey!" Tomo protested, "If Osaka had said it, you wouldn't have minded!"

"But that's different. She's..." Chiyo trailed off. "She's... ah..."

"Osaka?" Osaka offered.

"Yeah! That's it. She's her. She doesn't pick on me like you do."

Tomo leaned back and blew a quick breath through her teeth. "Whatever... say, Sakaki-san?" She slowly rose, an eerie gleam in her eye, a can of shaving cream in one hand and a sharpie in the other. "You aren't... sleeping... are you?"

A hand slapped down on her shoulder heavily.

"Don't even," Yomi said severely, "Sakaki-san's had a rough day, so let her sleep if she wants to."

"Jeez..." Tomo sank into her seat. "You guys are no fun."

Yomi settled in next to her and stretched out on the floor. "What happened anyway, Sakaki-san?"

Sakaki, obviously not all there, said, "Four of them came at once."

The others shared a slightly awed "ooh..." They had no idea that she was referring to a quartet of particularly vicious cats. Sakaki largely kept her exploits concerning cute animals a secret.

Yomi turned back to Chiyo. "But as for your dream, I think that it means you've been watching too many American movies."

Chiyo cocked her head to one side. "But I don't think I've ever..."

"You have," Yomi assured her, "Either that or that was the freakiest thing I've ever heard in my life."

"I had a dream, too," Tomo said.

"Really? Let's hear it," Osaka said before anybody could stop her. She never seemed to realize that there was a common thread through all of Tomo's dreams which made them very irritating.

* * *

"So," Conan O'Brien asked, "Now that you've been elected empress of the world, what's your next move?"

"Well..." Tomo slid back in the comfortable guest chair and pondered her answer. The ceremonial sword of World Empress lay across her side as she slouched easily and her robes and cloaks of office billowed out, covering the chair. "I guess... I'm going to start appointing officers."

"You've been Empress for a month, though! I mean, has the world been running itself?"

Tomo shrugged. "I figured that things would just sorta work out, you know?"

"So the chaos in the Balkans? The rebellion in the Middle East?" The host was forgetting his repertoire of witty questions. In point of fact, he was becoming genuinely concerned at this point. Just who had they elected?

The Empress waved dismissively. "Don't worry about it!"

Conan looked relieved. "All right. I have a few more questions for you, but just now, it's time for Frankenstein to waste a minute of our time!"

"Huh?"

A tall man in gray makeup came bursting out of the back of the studio making guttural sounds in his throat. Of course Tomo recognized him as Frankenstein's monster, but she didn't exactly know what he was doing here. Conan started to introduce the segment, but Frankenstein (ironically) wasn't wasting any time. He immediately took Tomo, sword and all, over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and ran off.

"Eek! Somebody help!" she cried as Frankenstein took her out of the studio. As they actually exited the building, she heard the audience's laughter distantly. Frankenstein hailed a cab with his free hand and tossed her into the back.

She sat up as the door slammed and saw Frankenstein conversing with the cabbie with grunts, growls and gestures. When the monster ran off, the cabbie turned back to her, said something in Arabic, and they roared off into the night.

"Where are we going?" she screamed. The driver said something, but she couldn't hear him over the engine. She was going to demand that he stop with her authority as World Empress, but then they hit a corkscrew and rocketed out over the Grand Canyon.

* * *

"...and then I woke up."

"That's really... um, interesting." Chiyo didn't quite know what to say. She had thought that _her_ dream was weird! "By the way, who's Conan O'Brian?"

Tomo shrugged. "Dunno."

"I once had a dream about taking over the world," Osaka said. "I built a giant robot out of tin foil and cardboard, defeated Mazinger Z and conquered Tokyo."

There was a general pause. "Er, really?" Yomi asked.

"Oh, yes. It was very pleasant."

"That's pretty darn weird."

Tomo poked her side. "Oh, and I suppose your dreams are so normal?"

"I... I didn't say that..." she sat up again.

"C'mon, Yomi. What did _you _dream about last night?"

"I... uh... didn't have one."

"Oh, that's lame. I can tell when your lying. C'mon, out with it!"

"Yeah, c'mon. Chiyo and Tomo told theirs," Osaka prodded.

"It can't be any weirder than _hers_," Chiyo reassured.

"Um... well, if you insist..."

* * *

Yomi found herself wandering down a winding cobblestone path through a mighty garden. Everywhere she looked there were tall, beautiful trees, huge plots of flowers and bushes. The sky was full of billowing pink clouds, and a cool breeze scented with hundreds of flowers stirred her hair and the light blue summer dress she wore.

She wandered through this wonderland, full of peace and contentment. Eventually, though, her feet grew tired and she sat on a marble bench between two trees heavy with cherry blossoms. Yomi turned her face to the sky and closed her eyes, luxuriating in the cool, sweet air.

"Hi!" a singsong voice said beside her. She opened her eyes to find Tomo sitting next to her on the bench. "Nice place, isn't it?"

"Beautiful..." Yomi agreed.

Tomo looked at her penetratingly. "I think so, too."

Something in her voice... "Huh?" Yomi turned towards her, suddenly uncomfortable. "What are you...?"

Tomo's arm fell softly across her shoulder. "Oh, come on. We're alone here..."

"But... but..." Yomi's view was suddenly filled with Tomo's huge, shimmering eyes. She leaned back a little, her breath catching. "I'm dreaming. This would never happen in real life."

"Come on, Yomi..." Tomo leaned over and put her chin on Yomi's shoulder. "Can't you let yourself have what you want? Just once? Even in your dreams?"

She raised herself a little and turned Yomi's head towards her. Blood rushed to Yomi's face, her heart thundered as they leaned closer... closer...

* * *

"And then you woke up, right?" Tomo said frantically, "That's when you woke up, isn't it? Yomi! Talk to me!"

Yomi, absolutely maroon, kept her silence. Tomo edged away for her under the kotatsu. There was an incredible, awkward pause. "It..." Yomi finally got out, "It was... a long... night."

"We-e-e-ell, I'm going to get us some coffee, okay?" Chiyo vaulted to her feet and left swiftly. She didn't quite understand all of the implications of Yomi's dream, but she wanted to remove herself from the sudden tension. Sakaki's eyelids fluttered slightly at the sound of her exit.

"Er..." Yomi cast about for a change of subject. "Osaka... you told us about the robot, but did you have an interesting dream _last_ night?"

Osaka closed her eyes and thought back.

* * *

And was standing on a broad wooden floor stained with blood. Her breath came in great, ragged gasps, a bloody katana hovering before her in trembling hands. Tomo, Kagura, Yomi and Sakaki lay tangled on the floor around her, staring sightlessly into the air.

Osaka gazed about her in shock at what she had done. These four... and Chiyo. Yes, her dream-self reflected, _that_ one had been the most entertaining. "Who'd have thought..." Osaka said softly to herself, starting to smile, "That there'd be so much blood in her?"

* * *

"Ah..." Osaka opened her eyes without sharing. "Same old same old."

This time, they took her at her word. Another interminable pause followed.

Chiyo returned with the coffee, which they accepted quietly. Sakaki took a desultory sip, but quickly fell back to sleep.

"So... _any_way..." Chiyo tried to pull the get-together back on track. All this silence was bothering her, especially with Tomo around. "Um... has... anyone read any good books lately?"

Their conversation took a more normal tack after that, though Sakaki didn't get to participate. She was locked in dreamland.

* * *

Sakaki gazed up into the sky. Snow whirled down from the blackness while a huge, eerie blue moon partially shrouded by clouds painting the towering pines around her. She wore a dark brown cloak and an extremely long sword across her back.

After a moment to get her bearings, she started walking through the woods, the snow crunching under her light boots, her breath misting in the cold air. There was something to be done here, of that she was grimly certain.

"And what do _you_ want?"

She turned to see Chiyo-dad drifting down from the level of the tree-tops. It was just like her other dreams featuring the strange cat, but something seemed a little... off about this time. Her fingers wrapped around the sword's hilt over her shoulder.

"Did you hurt Chiyo-chan?" she demanded.

"What is it to you?" Chiyo-dad countered. "I may have, I may have not. And what would you do if I had cut her arm off-"Sakaki's eyes sharpened, "-um, or something?"

"You did! But why?" Sakaki's fists clenched. "Why would you do that to her!? You were always looking out for her... you, you thanked me for being good to her... I don't understand!"

"Maybe I wasn't doing it to hurt her... maybe it's something that you need."

"What the hell are you talking about!?"

"En garde!" the cat roared, streaking down towards her like Superman. She dove out of its path, hearing wicked claws or blades tearing through the ground. Sakaki stood and looked the way it had gone in time to see a deep furrow suddenly appear and a mighty pine split down the middle.

"Where did he-?"

Sakaki threw herself to the ground again and Chiyo-dad came down behind her with a crash that raised mighty clouds of snow and dirt. Her sword sang out of its scabbard as she sighted his ominous silhouette advancing through the fog. She jumped backwards, avoiding a massive sweep of those mysterious blades.

"You're not trying hard enough!" Chiyo-dad leered. "You were always up for a good contest, but how is it now that you're fighting to the death?" His body glowed with a hideous red light and a beam roared out from between his eyes, missing Sakaki by inches and blowing a four-foot wide hole through the row of trees beyond.

"Why are you--?"

"You've got to apply yourself!" Chiyo-dad roared. "If you don't stop me now, I'll haunt her dreams again and again! She'll be afraid to sleep! You've got to fight to protect Chiyo!"

"You..." Sakaki gripped the sword and faced her still-glowing enemy. "I can't believe you... you _monster!_"

She charged forward, the clouds of snow and dust parting before her as the invisible claws flashed down and the snow whirled around and the wind screamed in her ears and—

Suddenly, it was over. Her mighty sword was buried a half-foot into the ground before her, right between Chiyo-dad's tapered legs.

"Well?" Chiyo-dad said. "Are you going to strike?"

"I already have," Sakaki replied softly. "You missed it."

The hallucination stared at her with what appeared to be satisfaction before he burst in two, showering her with pink lemonade. Sakaki stared in awe as the two halves of Chiyo-dad flew into the air separately, still gushing lemonade.

"Very good," the cat said. "I had my doubts, but in the end, I find you worthy of my daughter."

"What? Worthy? What are you talking about!?"

"You've got to figure that part out yourself. Ta-ta!" And the cat vanished into the whirling snow above. She stared after him, wondering if he would ever again visit her dreams.

* * *

Sakaki awoke to feel something soft and wet sliding across her arm. Ah, that would be a sharpie. Now if only she still had that sword.


	2. Enter the Wildcat Idiot

Yomi walked to school alongside her best friend/ bane of existence Tomo, all but humming with tension. She hadn't seen the other girl since they had parted ways at Chiyo's. What on Earth must Tomo be thinking, she wondered, after I admitted to having that dream? Does she think I'm some kind of psycho pervert or what?

She almost hoped that Tomo would become freaked out and maybe give her a little space... but then, much as she blustered to the contrary, she didn't want to lose her as a friend, either. And their silence was becoming intolerable.

"So..." she started. When Tomo looked up at her, she faltered.

"Yeah?"

"Um..." Yomi floundered for a moment. "Never mind."

They continued. As the school came into view ahead, Tomo finally turned and held out a hand to stop her. "Look, Yomi, you don't have to be so nervous."

"Huh?"

"You're my best friend. Nothing's going to change that... no matter what crazy stuff you have going around in there." Tomo rapped Yomi's temple none-to-gently with a single knuckle. "Just don't go making my boyfriend jealous."

"You have another boyfriend?"

"Just yesterday."

This gave Yomi the bizarre experience of having her hopes crushed under a huge wave of relief. Which hopes? Well, that's for you to decide. The two entered the High School and mounted the stairs to the second floor, picking up Kagura somewhere along the way.

"Hey, guys!" Kagura slapped Tomo on the back a little too hard. "How was the sleepover? Have fun without me?"

"Oh, it was great!" Tomo replied, slapping her friend on the back a bit harder.

"That's wonderful!" Kagura thumped Tomo even harder, "I'm glad it went well!"

"We'll be sure to-"THUD! "-invite you next time!" They were now sounding almost maniacally cheerful.

"I'll look for-"THUMP!! "-ward to it!"

"Now hold on," Yomi said, pushing between them. She was immediately knocked face-first into a row of lockers by blows meant for Tomo and Kagura, who hadn't noticed her entrance until it was too late.

She turned slowly, her head tilted so that the fluorescent lights blazed off of her glasses. Grinning nervously, Tomo reached out and patted her arm gently.

Osaka was just coming up around the corner from them when she heard a huge, meaty WH-THOCK! and a backpack's worth of paper and books flurried out in front of her. She paused to consider, then decided to take a small detour.

On her way around the bank of lockers, she passed Chiyo, who was leaning against the wall and blinking blearily. She laid a hand on the smaller girl's shoulder. "Hey, Chiyo-chan, you alright?"

"Yeah..." she said, having to fight down a massive yawn. "I shouldn't have stayed up so late. It messed up my sleeping last night, too!"

Osaka gave the problem a little thought, then went into her pack. She came up with a bottle of juice, unscrewed the top, and splashed it into Chiyo's face.

"What was that for!?" she yelped.

"You're awake, aren't you?"

Chiyo scrubbed at her face with a handkerchief. "For now. I tried splashing myself before, but it only works for a little..." she sagged visibly. "While..."

"And I guess juice wasn't the best thing to use."

"Hm... pineapple. At least you have good taste."

"But what're you gonna do? Yukari will be pissed if she catches _you _sleeping in class. Maybe you should drink a whole bunch of coffee."

"I don't think that's a good idea..."

"Yeah, you'd have to pee every five seconds." Chiyo cringed as her friend said that; she had been hoping to skirt the subject. "Oh, I've got the perfect idea, Chiyo-chan! I've hit a home run with this one!"

"...really." Chiyo braced herself. Osaka had claimed to hit a home run before. It was rarely a good thing. The last time it had involved a café full of dead animals.

"Yeah, it'll work like a charm. If I see you fall asleep..." Osaka started rubbing her hands together diabolically, "I'll fall asleep myself to distract her!"

"Would that—would that work?"

"If my head hits the desk hard enough."

Chiyo didn't quite know what to say to that. Finally she just settled on, "Um... thanks." On further reflection, it _was _just stupid enough to work.

"What are friends for?"

Yomi, Tomo and Kagura had finally finished picking up the scattered remains of Tomo's pack. As they mounted the steps, Yomi's friends continued beating on each other. "Bonkuras," she sighed.

All in all, it was the normal start to a normal day.

Chiyo sat in her usual place and set herself to her studies. However, as the hours rolled on and Yukari's voice didn't change, her grip on reality started to waver. Finally, her eyes drifted shut, and for the first time in her young life, Chiyo Mihama fell asleep in class.

* * *

And she was home again. Only, it wasn't really her home. It was a completely unfamiliar house that she somehow knew to be her home. Because of that, she realized that she was dreaming almost immediately. 

A strange, mournful harmonica tune trickled down to her from above, sounding piercingly lonely and yet inviting at the same time. She swiftly ran up the stairs and wormed through a skylight to get onto the roof.

Osaka sat on the edge of the roof, kicking her feet over the side idly as she worked the harmonica with a vengeance. There seemed to be an unbearable sadness about her. It was a cool, foggy, rainy kind of day. She couldn't even see the ground from where she stood on the roof.

"Miss Osaka?"

"Eh?" the girl stopped playing and looked back at her. "Oh, you're here."

"I didn't know you could play harmonica."

"I can't," she replied matter-of-factly.

"Ah."

"It's part of the image."

"The... image? What am I looking at?"

Osaka had to think for a moment. "Something you've known subconsciously for a long time, I suppose. But I'm not the reason for this dream. Honestly, I don't know why your subconscious chose me to represent it. Do you?"

"I'm sorry, I don't."

"Yeah, if you did, I guess it wouldn't be subconscious, would it?"

"So... wait." Chiyo stared at the dream-Osaka. "You're... you're sad? And I've known it all along?"

"Sort of. That's what dreams like this are good for. You can check up on what you've been figuring out without knowing it."

"Does this mean Osaka is really secretly a sad and lonely person?"

"Well, _you_ sure seem to think so."

Chiyo blinked. "But I never realized... so I'm talking to myself right now?"

"Isn't it weird?"

"You're not Osaka."

"No, I'm a subconscious representation of her... or rather of how you see her..."

"But I don't remember ever thinking--"  
"...subconsciously."

"Ahh... I think I see now."

"Consciously!"

"Stop that! My head's starting to hurt."

"Sorry."

"This is just like something the real Osaka would do. Is there any reason for any of this?"

"Well, as a matter of fact-"

* * *

And Chiyo was jarred awake by a terrible cracking sound. She glanced over to see Osaka face-planted on her desk, snoring loudly enough to be heard outside the room. She had gone into her diversion with a passion! 

Yukari-sensei hauled her up by the back of her shirt and slapped her awake.

"I've had just about enough of your falling asleep in class! You're so inconsiderate, Osaka! Here I am, working through a hangover, and..."

As the teacher led her away, Osaka gave Chiyo a thumbs-up. She couldn't help but laugh a little.

Yukari returned, having posted Osaka in the hall with buckets of water. Eyebrow twitching ominously, she proceeded to give out the most terrifyingly difficult English assignment that she had ever concocted. Perhaps the diversion idea hadn't exactly been a home run after all.

The class all went feverishly to work, even Tomo. Not that her grade was particularly important to her, but she couldn't afford to fail another class. It was really too bad that the one day that she came to school determined to do a little work for a change, Yukari had decided to be so evil.

And asking Yomi for help was out of the question. That girl was still nervous and tentative around her, and Tomo wasn't comfortable with her when she wasn't being bossy, temperamental and severe.

She tried to focus, but the words were starting to swirl together giddily. With one last Herculean effort, she forced her mind to grasp the page before her and recognize one word in English (happiness) before her head hit the desk, much more gently than Osaka's had, and she was gone.

* * *

Tomo found herself in a corridor lined with what appeared to be statues or suits of armor. She couldn't really tell; it was pretty dark. She wore baggy, dark blue pants and a nondescript white halter. The pants made her feel rather like Blue Three- er, uh, Bruce Lee. She threw a few kicks for the heck of it, finding herself surprisingly agile and flexible. 

She didn't pause to wonder about any of this however. Just like many dreams, it seemed perfectly natural. Tomo was just going to set out and explore from the corridor when she heard Yomi's piercing voice.

"What are you doing here!?"

"Huh?"

Tomo turned and saw her friend rushing towards her in a positively ridiculous getup. A yellow gi and... and an _afro_? Tomo's brain almost melted just looking at her, but it still hadn't occurred to her that she could be dreaming.

"What did you... what did you do to your hair?"

"Forget the hair! You've got to get out of here, Tomo!"

"Why? What's going to happen?"

There was a huge crunch/thump in the corridor behind her. She turned back to see that one of the black statues had torn itself out of the wall and faced her with a menacing spear in its grip. "Wh- what the hell?"

"That's the _Sombra_!" Yomi explained, her voice quavering, "He's the embodiment of all of the problems and challenges that'll come up against you in your life. You're not ready for him yet!"

"All of my problems, eh?" Tomo sized the statue up. "There's not a problem I can't solve with enough energy and gumption! I can handle this!"

"What?" Yomi grabbed her arm. "You idiot! Don't think that just because..."

Tomo waved dismissively and pretty much gave her philosophy in life. "Don't worry about it! Everything will work out." And with that, she rushed headlong into the Sombra, just as she did all of the difficulties she faced in her life, leaping gracefully into the air and throwing a picture-perfect flying dragon kick.

Her foot just about shattered on his forehead. With a cry of surprise and pain, she slammed into the monster's chest and sprawled to the floor. The Sombra raised his spear ponderously into the air and brought it streaking down towards her chest. She rolled away and regained her feet, limping slightly.

"It's not over yet, ugly!" she jeered, switching stance back and forth.

The statue brought his spear down towards her head and she easily dodged, stomping on it as it passed and sending the weapon rolling away across the floor. She then stepped in close and delivered a cross-chop to the Sombra's throat. Wonder of wonders, it actually staggered back a step.

"Yeah! You can't stop me!"

Then its fist collided with her head and the world shattered. Tomo was suddenly outside in a grassy knoll, lying on the ground as Yomi crouched over her. "Oh, Tomo! Why did you have to...?"

"I'm fine, don't worry!" she hauled herself into a sitting position. The sudden transition to the out-of-doors hadn't really registered with her, and so she still didn't realize that she was dreaming.

"You moron!" Yomi slapped her in the forehead, which, oddly, wasn't even remotely sore from the giant's fist. "I _told _you, the way you are now, you can't stand up to the Sombra!"

"What did you _do _to your hair?"

"What does my hair have to do with anything?"

"I mean, who do you think you are, Jim Kelly? Wait... Jim Kelly... and I look like Bruce Lee... that means... do you got any nunchucks?"

"Nunchako? Yeah, why?"

"Hand 'em over!"

Yomi gave her two beautiful pairs of nunchako. "But why? Do you know how to use these? And even with the weapons..."

"Haven't you ever seen 'Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story?' It's the secret to defeating him! It's the nunchucks!"

"I don't know about that..."

And the Sombra crested a hill in front of her. Tomo walked out confidently to meet him, striking a stance and loosing the most awesome Bruce Lee yowl she had ever done in her life.

Her adversary was unimpressed. It charged down the hill with a sound like an avalanche, raising its obsidian fists like a boxer. She whirled the nunchako expertly about her body and brought one of them down squarely on the monster's head. It shattered. The weapon, not the head.

A mighty backhand sent her soaring, and somehow she managed to land easily on her feet. By the time she had her bearings, the Sombra had reached Yomi.

"Tomo!" she cried.

"Oh, hell, no." Tomo said grimly to herself, then vaulted onto the statue's back and wrenched at its neck with all of her strength. "I can do it! I have the strength! I have the energy! I--!"

And the thing grabbed her by her throat and hurled her. She sailed through the air for a ridiculously long time, and just as it was about to occur to her that she might be dreaming, she slammed into a slab of granite and fell onto a plot of freshly turned dirt.

"What's going on, now?" she asked the air miserably. Tomo could hear the dull thud of the creature's approaching footsteps. No time to lie around. Scuttling to her knees, she turned to see what she had slammed into.

It was a grave stone. "TOMO TAKINO" it read, and then where the inscription should have been was, "WORTHLESS." She felt an absurd moment of indignation before she realized what she was actually looking at.

"What-?" her question was lost to the ages as a massive armored boot crashed down on her back, driving her into the dirt. She clawed weakly to get up as the monster's foot rose again—

* * *

"Tomo! Tomo wake up! Tomo!" 

At first, Yomi's shaking didn't have any effect on her, but suddenly Tomo burst into action, going straight from dead asleep to total spaz-out mode. She flailed and yelled and clawed until Yomi actually restrained her.

Tomo finally subsided, gasping for breath, pale as a sheet with eyes the size of dinner plates. Yomi had her arms firmly wrapped about her, whispering comfortingly in her ear. Most of her friends were gathered around her, looking concerned.

Osaka took her hand. "Tomo..."

"I'm... I'm..." she looked around, dimly comprehending that she wasn't choking on the dirt of her own grave anymore. "I'm fine," she said weakly. "Please... just... leave me."

Now, this demonstrated to all of them that she _wasn't _fine. Normally, she'd be whining and carrying on for attention. Still, she had asked them to leave, so what else could they do? The girls all filtered away except for Yomi, who remained holding Tomo.

"Why are you still...?"

"Class is over. Now tell me about it."

"I'd rather not."

"What, are you going to let it fester? C'mon. Tell me."

Tomo paused for a long moment, then looked up at her with tears gathering in her eyes. "Yomi... am I... a failure?"

This put the older girl in the unenviable position of having to go back on what she had been saying every day for years in order to avoid her friend having a meltdown. "Of course not!"

"Yomi..."

* * *

And elsewhere, two mysterious figures conversed. 

"You made quite an impression on her," Chiyo-dad commended. "You might even have been more gentle, I think."

"What's with the band-aids?" the Sombra asked.

"Oh, these?" Chiyo-dad plucked at the row of band-aids that held his two halves together. "Ah, that Sakaki girl cut me in two. No big deal. I'll be fine in a little while."

"Oh, okay. So, do you think her nightmare'll do the job?"

"I don't know. Tomo-chan's pretty thick, bless her soul. Still, your visitation should change her behavior for quite some time. Especially when you consider that bit with the gravestone."

"I wasn't sure about the gravestone."

"No, the gravestone was a nice touch. There's only a little more for us to do."

COMING NEXT! MORE TRAUMA! MORE MAYHEM!

Kagura emerges! Sakaki realizes her destiny! More random, weird crap happens!

It will be the final chapter of this thingy that you might call a saga if only it had some semblance of a coherent plot!


	3. Halo and Sherpas

* * *

"No, no, don't worry about it," Tomo protested on the way home. "It was just a nightmare, no big deal. I'm right as rain now!"

She walked in the midst of Chiyo, Osaka, Yomi and Kagura, who hadn't left her side since she had awoken. Had it been some minor incident of course, she would have loved all the attention, but since she had been genuinely traumatized, their hovering was almost annoying.

"A nightmare," Kagura thought for a moment. "Is it worse than the one where you pull the fire alarm as a joke and burst into flame yourself?"

"You've had that dream too?" Tomo asked, wide-eyed.

"Who hasn't?"

There was an expectant pause. "Hey, Yomi. This is where you're supposed to pop in with some belittling comment," Tomo said, chopping into an open hand. "Don't let us down now, girl!"

"Huh?" Yomi shook her head. "Sorry. I was... thinking."

"Well, don't strain yourself. I know how tough that can be for you."

Ah, Tomo was already going back to her old self. Now was that a good thing or not? It was certainly an improvement over the frightened, sobbing state she had been in until recently.

"Hey, Osaka-san?" Chiyo asked.

"Yeah?"

"Are you sad?"

Osaka glanced at her oddly. "What are you talkin' about?"

"Like... I don't know. I was just thinking... ne-never mind."

"You sure are weird sometimes, Chiyo."

"Say," Kagura suddenly asked, "What happened to Sakaki-san?"

"She wasn't at school today," Yomi answered. "She was probably sick or something. Though come to think of it, that _was _a permanent marker we used..."

Tomo stopped dead in her tracks. "It was a _permanent_ marker?"

"Um... yeah. I thought that's why you chose it."

"Holy... I thought it was one of those dry-erase thingies! Oh, my God, are we ever going to get it!"

"I don't think..."

"You don't get it, Yomi! With all the crap we drew, she's gonna come after us with a baseball bat!"

"I didn't think we put anything that bad. Or did you write something on her without telling the rest of us?"

"Er, no..."

"Thought so."

They continued down the street, members of their party being peeled off as their ways diverged. Finally they came to the corner where Tomo would turn off and stopped awkwardly.

"Don't even look at me like that," Tomo said. "It was just a dream, okay? I'll be fine. Really."

"I know. But you were so..." Yomi drew up short. "I mean, you looked like you'd had your whole life pulled out from under you."

"Well... some things may have to change," Tomo admitted. "Honestly, I'll be rethinking a few things."

Yomi hesitated, then kissed her on the forehead. It was a platonic, almost-but-not-quite-motherly gesture. "It'll be okay, Tomo," she said.

Tomo smirked at the irony of hearing the phrase thrown back at her. "I'm not so sure anymore. See you around, Yomi."

"Yeah, bye."

And so the girls had all returned home for a long, hard, boring day of struggling through Yukari-sensei's diabolical assignment. The next day they would find that only Chiyo-chan had finished it.

For her part, Kagura gave up pretty darn early. Leaving the paper to die on her desktop, she went for a two-mile jog and trained for a few hours. When she was too tired to move, she settled down and played an hour or two of video games before retiring for the night.

And so, in the dead of night...

* * *

She was running with all her might, straining, straining... and it WASN'T ENOUGH. The hard clay track streaked under her powerful legs, faster and faster, but as always, ahead of her, the towering form of Sakaki pulled farther away through a light fog.

At first it was a beautiful sensation, running, her muscles singing with exertion and the wind rushing by, but her strength ebbed monstrously fast. Before long, her breath was scraping out of a raw throat as her legs morphed into jelly.

Finally, she could go no further and dropped to her knees. Sakaki vanished into the mists ahead of her. "Damn it...!" she gritted. "I'm never gonna catch her!"

Sakaki's hand gently rested on her shoulder. She looked up and saw the poker-faced girl holding her hand out to help her up. She almost smiled for a moment—then roughly slapped her hand aside. "No! I'm going to do this myself! I can beat you! I can!"

Sakaki shrugged and stepped away from her. "If that's how you want it. You should hurry, though. The Covenant is coming."

"The Covenant?"

She jumped as an explosion burst right behind her. Kagura whirled about to see a bunch of strange, squat creatures toting large weapons charging towards her across a large, grassy plain. And in the sky behind them was more ground!

It took her a moment to realize that she was standing in the Halo, like from the game... um, Halo. She didn't stop to wonder how she got there. Blasts from the Covenant's weapons were streaking in all around her.

As she ran from the aliens, she saw Tomo and Osaka running back towards her. "Turn around, guys! The Covenant is coming!"

"Oh, we're ready for them!" Tomo yelled, and did something very strange. She moved her arm as if she was throwing something, and, completely separate from that motion, some kind of a gun spiraled out from her towards Kagura. She was so surprised she didn't even move to catch it, but though it hit her squarely in the forehead, it suddenly appeared in her hands with a reassuring click.

Okay.

"Are you ready?" Tomo asked.

"Bonkuras unite!" Osaka cried.

"Stop calling us Bonkuras!" Tomo barked, shooting her. All it did was make Osaka take a step away and go, "Ouch!"

And then the Covenant was among them. All three of their weapons blazed, hurling thousands of slugs through alien bodies. Dozens of the creatures crumpled to the ground in exactly the same fashion all around them. It was actually quite exhilarating.

"Let's roooooock!" Kagura shrieked, swinging her rifle about with abandon. Now that she noticed, the weapon didn't have any recoil. Was it possible that she was dream--?

A grenade burst right next to her and hurled the thought out of her mind. She saw Osaka go spinning through the air to flop down a few yards away.

"Osaka! Noo!" Kagura ran to her side and knelt next to her. "Don't go!"

"Hold out..." she said weakly, "Until I respawn..." and she coughed up blood and died. Kagura stood grimly and shouldered her rifle. "I've had enough of you alien bastards!"

Then the Covenant leader appeared before her. She turned her rifle towards it and pulled the trigger—_clickclickclick!_

"Umm..." she backed away. There was only one hope. Kagura knew that if she managed to circle around and physically strike it from behind, it would instantly die. The mighty creature roared at her... and threw out a mat between them.

"Huh?" she looked down at the mat. There were two sets of four arrows on it. It was... a Dance Dance Revolution controller? Before she fully registered it, Osaka came running. "I respawned!" She fired into the alien, which promptly stepped on her. "I'm dead again!"

Tomo shook her head. "We lose a lot of good men that way."

"So you're challenging me to a DDR duel?" Kagura asked.

The beast nodded.

"Well, let's get to it!" she leapt onto her end and the song 'It's Rainin' Men' started blasting from nowhere, and the arrows began scrolling up between them. Just as she started to get into the groove, though, she saw an eerie blue glow appear behind her.

"A plasma grenade!" Kagura jumped off of the mat and looked to her right. No grenade. And to her left. No grenade... come to think of it, the glow was behind her no matter where she looked.

She turned to Tomo. "It's attached to the back of my head, isn't it?"

"Yep."

BOOM!

* * *

Kagura snapped awake and stared around her room. After a moment of reflection, she walked over to her X-Box and firmly unplugged it. "And _that's _enough of _that_."

If only the other dreams of that night were as easily explained.

We now visit Osaka. No, not the city. We're visiting Ayumu Kasuga.

* * *

"Oh, great Mystic One," Osaka implored, "Grant me your wisdom!"

"What is it you seek, young one?" James Brown said benevolently, hovering cross-legged above his dias. "If it is within my humble powers, I will aid you."

An elderly monk walked up next to her. He was once tall, but age had sanded him down to about her height. "You may ask the Mystic One just one question."

Osaka shrugged off her heavy jacket and looked around the simple stone temple. She had climbed seven months through the Alps to get here, and now she could only ask the Godfather of Soul one question. Even as her mind spun with the possibilities, her mouth moved without her.

"Just one?" she asked.

"YES." James Brown pronounced. The monk started to lead her away.

"Now wait a second! That wasn't my question!"

Brown laughed. "Just kiddin'. Why don't you sit down?"

A pair of monks slid a chair up behind her and she sat. She glanced over to her Sherpa guides, who had prostrated themselves before the Godfather of Soul. Well, they could do that if they wanted.

"I guess..." Osaka looked down at her hands. "Mystic One, it seems like I'm bad at everything. Do I have any talents? Will I ever find a use for myself?"

"Hmm..." James Brown hovered a little higher. His brow furrowed in thought. "I can see your future, and I'm afraid it doesn't look bright."

"I expected as much."

"Be hopeful, young one. There is a chance, a small chance, that you will find your place in the world and be truly happy. You must remember that when the time comes, you must be true to yourself, first."

"But I don't know who I am!"

"Do not worry, Ayumu," Osaka's chest swelled as the Godfather of Soul himself used her real name. "I will be with you."

"R-really?"

"Of course. I have faith in you. Some day, you may just manage to get on up like the Sex Machine you are."

"Do you mean that in the perverted sense, or...?"

"No. I mean like the song."

"Ah."

She gathered her winter gear and sherpas, and they walked together out to the treacherous mountain pass outside of the Temple of Soul. As they mounted their yaks, the elderly monk bid them farewell. "Go with God and the Godfather, my daughter."

"Um... sure thing!"

But as they plodded through the whirling snow, something entirely unexpected happened. One of her sherpas suddenly pulled a knife and hissed, "You will never find your place!"

He leapt into her with the knife extended—and she drew a katana, neatly slashing him in two with the same motion. The traitorous sherpa sprawled across her, blood gushing all over. Osaka pushed the corpse away and looked incredulously at her hand, coated in slick, bright red blood. She smiled at the sight.

* * *

At this point her mother was setting down a basket of laundry in her room. She glanced over at her sleeping daughter and sighed happily. "She looks just like a little angel...!"

Osaka couldn't lay claim to the honor of weirdest dream, however.

* * *

"I'm flying!" Chiyo soared over Tokyo, her pigtails whirling like the blades of a helicopter. "I can't believe it, I'm actually flying!"

The sun blazed in a cyan sky, shining off the billowing clouds that formed another, beautiful city over the real one far below. Chiyo did loops, flips and barrel-rolls hundreds of feet in the air, giggling madly. This was the happiest feeling in the world, even if it was just a—

"Huh?"

--dream.

And suddenly Chiyo was plummeting towards the ground. She knew that it was just a dream now, but ironically, she couldn't stop thinking of how people could die from falling in their dreams because of fear. So as the rooftops rushed towards her, she had a really hard time convincing herself not to be scared.

Just as she started being able to see people walking around on the street below, a dark shape sliced across her field of view. Something splashed up into her, eliciting a startled yelp. Pink lemonade?

Meanwhile, Sakaki was also having a pleasant dream. She lay in a sunlit field, scratching to kittens behind their ears. A dozen more cats of varying breeds and ages cavorted and played all around her.

Just as she thought she couldn't be any happier, a shadow fell over her and pink lemonade started spattering all over her back. "Oh, no."

"I'm afraid so," half of Chiyo-dad said above her.

She rolled over, scattering the cats, and stared at the strange creature that was still bleeding on her. "What do you want now? And what happened to the other half of you?"

"I'm multitasking. You don't seem happy to see me..."

"I had kinda hoped you would stay out of my dreams."

"You know you're dreaming?"

She gestured at the cats that were now swishing all around her feet, lapping up the pink lemonade. "They weren't trying to tear me apart."

"Ah."

"And I can really only be with them in my dreams, so..."

"But I'm a cat."

"You're... different."

"Are you saying I'm not a real cat?"

"No..."

"You're saying I'm not a real cat, is that it!?"

"I—I didn't mean..."

"Never mind that. We have something more important to deal with than whether or not you know a cat when you see one. Come with me." The hallucination grabbed her arm and started to tug her into the air.

"But—the cats!"

"Don't worry about that... Chiyo will teach you."

"Chiyo-chan? But-! Where are we going?"

"I need you to put in a very special guest appearance."

Before she could ask any more, she was yanked into the air.

Chiyo, still dripping with pink lemonade, felt an extremely slender arm (or was it a tentacle?) catch her across her stomach and jerk her out of her fall. Her benefactor deposited her gently on the street and streaked away before she could recognize it.

"What _was _all that?" she said aloud. In the shock of her sudden rescue, she had forgotten that she was dreaming. Chiyo looked up and down the street. Though she had seen people from the air, the place appeared to be empty now. She wondered why.

The answer came in the form of a titanic armored figure that stomped around the corner in front of her. It was black from head to toe and moved stiffly, rather like a stop-motion figure from an old monster movie.

"Um... hi!" she called. "Can you tell me where we are, please?"

It didn't answer, instead lurching towards her with obviously murderous intent. She tried to get away, but this was one of those dreams where you can't seem to run no matter how scared you get.

The monstrous black form closed in, cracking the pavement with each terrible step. Chiyo stared up at it in absolute, paralyzed terror. It raised an obsidian fist high above its head.

"Oh, God..." Chiyo whimpered.

Then a soft, strong hand rested gently on her head. Sakaki walked calmly up beside her and looked at the ebon giant calmly. "Don't worry," she said. "I'm here to protect you. I'll be here for you always."

Sakaki was once again wearing a dark brown cloak with the huge sword across her back. Chiyo watched in awe as she slowly drew it and walked towards the black behemoth...

* * *

The next morning, Chiyo was walking to school along the usual route, humming tunelessly to herself. For some reason, she felt really happy today. It could have been a nice dream from the night before, but she didn't really remember it.

"Oh! Good morning, Sakaki-san!"

"Hi." Sakaki fell into step beside her. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah! I feel really refreshed this morning for some reason!"

They walked together in silence, enjoying the cool morning air. Their peace lasted right up until Tomo and Yomi joined them from opposite directions at about the same time.

"Hi, Yomi!"

"Hey, Tomo. How're you doing?"

You could have heard a pin drop.

"..._what?_"

"I just asked how you were doing."

Tomo stared at her in blank incomprehension. "In all the years we've known each other, all the way back to grade school, you have never once asked me how I was doing. Why the sudden interest now?"

"I'm not allowed to care how you're doing?"

"Are you still babying me over that nightmare?"

"I wasn't even thinking about it!"

Chiyo turned to say something to Sakaki, but she had vanished. "Hey, Chiyo-chan," Yomi asked. "How did you do on that assignment?"

"I finished it!" she replied proudly. "I don't know how well I did, though."

"Yeah," Tomo said, "I was going to ask you about that..."

"You want my assignment so you can copy it?" Yomi interrupted.

"Um... actually, I was hoping you'd help me with it. I... I think I almost get it, but there are some parts that just..."

"Sure. I'll help you out."

"Thanks, Yomi."

The three walked in equanimity before Yomi suddenly burst out. "WHAT did you just say!?"

"I, uh, I thanked you."

"But you never do that! And come to think of it, why are you asking for help instead of just copying?"

Sakaki rejoined them, rubbing her hand.

"Maybe I'm trying to be more responsible! You were always telling me that I should, and now that I am, you give me crap about it?"

Then they plowed into one another and tangled on the ground, pulling on each other's cheeks, punching, pulling hair, throwing knees and the whole bit. "Are they actually trying to kill each other or just playing?" Chiyo asked.

"It's not wise to get involved," Sakaki advised softly, and they stepped around the combatants. As they continued, Osaka finally joined them at a dead sprint (well, for her, anyway.)

"Oh, good. I'm gonna make it," she said, putting her hands on her knees and wheezing for breath.

"Good morning, Osaka-san!"

"Hey, Chiyo-chan, Sakaki-chan."

Chiyo cocked her head to one side. "There seems to be something... different about you today."

Osaka drew herself up. "The spirit of James Brown is with me!"

The other two stared for a long moment. "That's, uh, that's just great!" Chiyo managed finally. "But, seriously, you seem more... alive."

"I have Soul now!"

There was really no point in trying to figure her out. "Okay."

* * *

"Not a bad piece of work, if I do say so myself," Chiyo-dad said, laying the last strip of duct-tape across his stomach. He then turned to a large U-Haul box and said, "What do you think?"

"Put me together again, then we'll talk!" the Sombra growled. "Why did you have to give her such a sharp sword?"

"Well, we couldn't have you beat her, could we?"

"I would've folded!"

"Yeah, right."

"I don't think she even needed the sword! That girl is so badass, I'll bet she gives _herself _shivers!"

"I'm sure," Chiyo-dad agreed, thinking back to the field full of kittens. "Now that we're done with this lot, where do you want to go next?"

"Dunno." The Sombra thought for a bit, then suggested hopefully, "Starbucks?"


	4. Epilogue

Sakaki lounged in the sun, surrounded by kittens and puppies and all manner of adorable little animals. She even saw a baby giraffe. It had been weeks since her bizarre guest-appearance, and until now she hadn't had a pleasant dream since.

So it was that she was a little upset when Chiyo-dad descended out of the sun and landed in the grass next to her.

She sighed. "Yes?"

"I forgot to mention something earlier."

"Yes?"

"Wait for a little while before you do anything with my daughter, okay? She's a little young, yet."

"What on Earth are you talking about? I still haven't figured out what you meant from earlier, about being 'worthy!'"

Chiyo-dad turned slowly towards her, shimmering different colors. "My, you _are _a dense one, aren't you? Tell me, what do you think of Kaorin?"

"Kaorin? She's a nice girl, I guess. A little strange sometimes."

"You haven't… noticed anything about her?"

"Nnnnnot really."

Chiyo-dad shook his head, which was an eerie sight because he had no head. "Okay, never mind. Chiyo-chan is safe… for now." And he rocketed away into the sun.

Sakaki stared after him for a long while, then shrugged and went back to petting the baby giraffe.

* * *

"Oh, great Mystic One," Chiyo implored, "Grant me your wisdom."

"Ask, and I will answer," James Brown replied.

"I've been having strange dreams lately."

"Ah… yes. You are the Chosen One. It is you who will lead humanity to its salvation in its darkest hour."

"Really?"

"Just remember, there is no spoon."

"No spoon…?"

"And if a face appears on your tongue, that's perfectly normal."

"What?"

"The destiny of mankind is on your shoulders."

"R-really?"

"No. In all honesty, I'm just screwing with you."

"Oh."

"Listen, just don't worry about the dreams. Dreams don't mean anything."

"Not even this one?"

"Not even." James Brown said, and vanished.

Chiyo sat alone in the temple, staring at the empty dias in complete confusion. "What have I been _eating?_" she asked.

Even with the Godfather's assurances, however, Chiyo was never able to shake the feeling that something important had come of her dreams.

_Don't worry; I'm here to protect you. I'll be here for you always._


End file.
